Over My Head

   

Last Sunday I was scheduled to work. This, I did not know, until I got a call at 11am with someone on the other side telling me I was supposed to have opened that morning at 9am.  Someone told me the wrong information.  I rushed my butt into work at 11 and though the time went fast, we had to play catch up.  I had to keep telling myself it wasn't my fault because I do that: make things bigger than they are sometimes.  I got over it.

Later that Sunday night I met with friends to discuss our new workout/healthy lifestyle/"go team go" life we wanted to go for.  I was exhausted from working and exhausted from being sick the week before and school was going to start the next day.  I was not prepared for school.  I was not prepared to tell my friends about my goals and aspirations.  I was not prepared to work Monday and Tuesday before classes, especially after the Sunday.

I still feel out of sorts.  My cold got better--less coughing and nose blowing.  Classes started and I'm learning my way around them so I know what I have to do each week.  I worked, for the first time really during school, or at least went school started with full vengeance.  I am a little over my head.

Right now my head hurts.  The Packers lost today, inducing a winter/football depression amongst many fans, including myself.  I need to think about school.  I need to think about my own writing.  How am I supposed to do that when my team lost?  I suppose it's better this way?  I can get things done? Yeah I don't agree so much.  It's annoying.

I need to get going with my workouts with my friends--get my gym membership.  I need to schedule personal writing time, thesis writing time, class writing time.  I need to schedule homework time and work time (it would help if I knew my schedule more than a few days in advance).  I need to clean/put away my apartment, my room, my life.

I'm frustrated and I feel bad saying that this post is making me a little more frustrated.  I'd like to scream right now--like how I did when Ryan Grant fumbled the ball in the game today.  I don't think I've ever screamed that loud/high inside and at a TV.  Boo.

101 Things

I feel like I'm out of the loop of the New Year posts, but I've been sick. Much like last year, although this sickness didn't put me out of commission New Year's morning, but New Year's night, it was considerate like that.

Thinking about my resolutions from last year made me think about my resolutions for this year naturally.  Among wanting to work out and write more, I felt like there should be a bunch of things on my list.  A few bloggers I read have 101 things to accomplish in 1001 days.  I realized I needed to start making a list.  And a list I did.

This idea comes from the Day Zero Project.  A community where you can sign up, make your list, and check it off.  I went to the site for ideas and inspiration, but didn't sign up.  I'm going to do most of the crossing off and writing here on my blog.

I feel like I did a good job with picking things that were reasonable to complete and weren't all too pricey or out of my price range.  While I don't think I'll accomplish anything today, I wanted to start so I could end on my birthday in 2014.  Keep up to date on how I'm doing by clicking 101 Things in 1001 Days at the top.  Plus there will be regular posts.

Seriousness

In the spring of 2010 I started taking an anti-depressant.  I'd taken one before, a few years before, but this one was a different brand, a higher dose.  I was still confused and scared about my parents splitting up the December before (fyi: they're back together, in the same house) and I had other anxiety issues.  They started me at 50mg and then upped me to 100mg, even though the 50mg was working pretty well.

I'm a pretty emotional person to begin with and these pills were like magic.  I stopped crying at the drop of a hat (or more specifically when I received criticism, got in trouble for something stupid, or just got sad).  It was nice not being so overly emotional, especially in front of others.  But I did feel kind of numb, like I should have been having more feelings than I was experiencing.

Fast forward to March of 2011 when I had a bi-lateral pulmonary embolism.  It was a blood clot.  I could have died.  I realized this later, after having let it sink in.  I also realized I should have been more scared, had more of a reaction.  My mom cried every time the doctor came to talk to us.  The only time I cried was a week later when, in the E.R., a nurse tied the tourniquet super tight and left a bruise.

I started thinking about cutting my dose in half and I told my doctor this.  He wasn't the one that put me on the medication in the first place, he was just filling my prescription.  He asked me why and I couldn't really explain it, possibly because my mom was in the room when I was on the phone, but he said I could make my own decision.  I contemplated this for months--through the summer, at the beginning of the semester, and in the middle of the semester.  I even mentioned a few times it scared me how much I didn't care.

It's a difficult decision to make.  If I lower the dose will I turn into an emotional wreck?  If I lower the dose will I become more anxious?  More nervous?  More paranoid?  I didn't lower the dose during the semester, just in case.  And now here it is after the semester.  And I did it.  I cut my dose in half a few days ago.

And the reason for this post...this serious post before the holidays...I felt like I needed to talk about it.  And I've been having dreams where I break down crying, so that's kind of scary. 

Watch out world! Although I rather be somewhat emotional than numb to living life :)

Cake Balls and Novelists

(Wow, two posts in a day?!)

Recently my semester ended.  I wanted to make something fun and yummy for my final Novel Workshop class.  We were all getting together to read our final paragraphs, eat bad (for you) food, and wear princess crowns.  I know this makes you want to be in an MFA program now.

So, I made cake balls.  I have been wanting make cake balls for a while now and I finally did.  Everyone raved about them.  They were super yummy!  I made two different kinds: devil's food cake with chocolate fudge frosting and yellow cake with vanilla frosting.  Both were covered with chocolate.

Bakerella has a really good step by step recipe for them, plus many different variations, but they are pretty easy.  Bake cake, crumble, add frosting, roll into balls, freeze/cool, dip in chocolate.

I made them for the Novel class but then I thought I should bring them to my CNF workshop too (since I like to butter people up before they criticize my writing).  They were a hit there too.

I need to fill you in on the novel party a little bit.  We wore crowns, with a title on them "Novelist." After we had shared our last paragraphs and were given awards (I won for most words cut, 44,000+) and given advancements.  We were sitting around eating cake balls, drinking beer, or eggnog and we just started coming up with cake ball titles.  Soon we were on a roll... "To Kill a Cake Ball" "The Girl Who Played With Cake Balls" (my favorite) "Harry Cake Balls" (we came up with the whole series), "No Cake Balls for Old Men" etc....  This went on for about half an hour and then continued on Facebook.  Soon, people who weren't even at the party were joining in, some not even English majors.  It was fun with people understood.

Now you wish you were one of us, right? 

Here we are in all of our Novelist, Princess, Post and Pre Cake Ball Glory:

Thanksgiving Nibbles

Sorry  this post is super late, but better late than never!

My parents came to visit me in MN.  Since I have never cooked a Thanksgiving meal, there wasn't a chance it was going to happen.  My mom assured me I would have plenty of time to do so in the future.

What I did plan was a Game Day Meal.  The Packers were playing and we had to watch the game.  This meant that any restaurant serving a Thanksgiving meal would be closed when the game was over.  It was fine.  It would be an untraditional Thanksgiving.

Here's what I made: (sorry, the only picture I took was blurry)
Sinfully Stuffed Potato Skins (Rachel Ray)

Mini Pumpkin Pie Croissants



There was also Cheese, Sausage, and Crackers; Pumpkin Bars made by my mom; Chips and Dip; Salsa and Chips; and Lil' Smokies.  I made the Lil' Smokies by heating up Baby Ray's BBQ Sauce and adding brown sugar to sweeten it a little and then I added the wienies.

After our Game Day party we played cards (Euchere) and then went out to dinner at a bar/pub.  It was pretty good food.  Oh, and we also had pie from Baker's Square which was awesome.